Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Bitter Sweet


I have 3 more days left at the firm and I am filled with such conflicting emotions. Today, it dawned on me that it may be years before I head back to work again.

The primary reason to quit is because Tariq and I think the timing is perfect for some extended travel that we have always talked of doing. Also, being a working mom has been incredibly hard.

When I was pregnant with Isaac, I told myself that having a child would not (and should not) alter my career plans. The last 18 months was an emotional and physical tug of war. At times my mind was on a hamster wheel debating and justifying the dual roles.

I am still making peace with my decision - I am telling myself that my financial independence, the MBA and 8 yrs of work experience is a small trade-off for the larger role I will get to play in Isaac's life.

I am also hoping this year of adventure and travel will open my eyes to other possibilities.

PIC: Tariq shot this sunset picture in Northern Florida where he is cave diving this week.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Isaac hard at work



I shot this home video a couple of weeks back on a lazy Sunday morning. Tariq and I were relaxing while Isaac was hard at work. I love how he tries not to miss any corners.

Isaac's first best friend

 

Isaac is slowly building his own social life. He spends most afternoons with his first 'best friend' - Sacha who lives in our building.
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Tuesday, February 03, 2009

25 Random Things About Me

 


The other day I got tagged on FB and was asked to write 25 random things about myself. I found the process of thinking and typing this very therapeutic. Reposting my note here -

1. I lived 12 years in Lagos, Nigeria which I think back of as a dysfunctional childhood. Since armed robbery was commonplace, we lived in heavily guarded apartments, weren't allowed to ride bicycles on the streets or walk anywhere. I didn't have a single Nigerian friend. I studied at an all Indian school, my family moved in an all-Indian social circle and we were discouraged from interacting with our neighbors.

2. When I was 3 years old, I briefly attended pre-K at a Nigerian school where my hair and skin made me a novelty. My classmates pulled my 'straight' hair and pinched my 'brown' skin.

3. I trained in Bharatnatyam for 10 years, rebelled against it in the 10th grade and now regret not having followed through.

4. My love for travel started early. By the time I was 18, I had been to 13 countries and kept detailed journals about it.

5. In school, I wrote an essay about the Taj Mahal without ever having visited it. It won me a UN essay writing contest. Hah!

6. Ever since I was a little girl, I daydreamed endlessly about decor, design and textiles. After visiting a friend’s home, I would mentally rearrange the furniture. In college, I spent hours drawing blueprints of ideal homes.

7. Living on the west side of Manhattan, I have become mesmerized by architecture, particularly French Beaux-Arts buildings built in the late 1800s - early 1900s.

8. My fondest memories and closest friends are from the 5 undergraduate years studying and boarding at a Catholic college run by nuns. We were perpetually sneaking out for parties, breaking into the pantry, scheming our next escapade and getting caught despite the best laid plans!

9. I was a sprinter in school, played softball in college and have run 2 marathons.

10. My childhood love and the man who I idealized for many years, is behind bars for a crime I am not convinced he committed.

11. Growing old scares me. I am 31 and filled with dread that half my life is already over. Being diagnosed of some debilitating disease or becoming physically dependent on life support machines keeps me awake at night.

12. I am undecided about religion and spirituality. I was a devout Christian at one point but now am actively questioning the need for organized religion. I haven't declared myself an atheist or agnostic, but am experimenting with disbelief.

13. I love my adopted country and respect America's ideals of liberty, justice and freedom for all. It’s not perfect - I disagree with its foreign policies and global policing but believe this country is growing in the right direction - growing beyond ignorance, racism and sexism.

14. I am proud to be Indian but loathe the corruption, and general apathy towards infrastructure, poverty, sanitation and civic duty.

15. I am grateful for every romantic relationship I have had (really!). Each one taught me something about myself and crystallized what I both needed and wanted in a partner.

16. I feel lucky to live and work in Manhattan. It is a vibrant, liberal and culturally rich city that I am proud to call home.

17. A couple of times during a Yoga or meditation session, I have had transcendental experiences where I recall subconscious memories.

18. I met Tariq at a trade conference in Boston. I knew right away. Without knowing anything about him, I called my friend and proclaimed, “I have met the man I am going to marry." He is the most handsome, romantic and intelligent man I have ever met, and I am deeply in love.

19. I wasn't into children and lacked any maternal instinct till Isaac came along. I will be the first to admit that it is so much of work, but being a mother has shown me what unconditional love means.

20. I have never liked loud places - clubs, bars, lounges.

21. Materialism annoys me. At 25, I made a conscious decision to steer away from acquiring possessions.

22. I laugh loudly and don’t care what others think about it.

23. I have never bribed anyone (and the few times I tried, it just sounded awkward!)

24. I am very organized – I file, label and index everything.

25. Here’s a profound thought - I spent my 20s focused on building a career only to realize that professional success does not equate to personal happiness. My goal for my 30s is to stop, take stock, and to pursue whatever it is that truly inspires and motivates me.
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